My Battle with Drugs & Loss

My Battle with Drugs & Loss

Looking at me right now with all the tattoos, your initial thought whether it is in here or on the street is most likely going to be a trouble-maker, but that’s not me at all. In reality I am as square as they come, what I mean by that is that I try to avoid trouble at all cost, I don’t like conflict. If you go to the dorm right now and look at my bed, or my locker, even down to what I am wearing, I am very neat, very organized, or O.C.D. as some would call it. But that’s not my problem. My problem is that I have always wanted to be accepted, I just wanted to fit in, I wanted to feel like I was part of something. The only reason I tried drugs for the first time was because I was trying to be cool. I wanted to fit in with that group of people, which was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.

Over the years drug abuse has been a major obstacle in my life. Because of those drugs I have pushed a lot of good people away, people who were just trying to help me, but because of the power that those drugs held over me I just did not care. What I am about to tell you is as real as it gets, it is the true definition of the power that a drug can have.

On February 21st, 2011 I called my wife Christina and had her get out of bed to go send me money. I wasn’t thinking about her being in bed, I was only thinking about myself. I was thinking about the canteen line, about where I was going to get something else to smoke.

Let me tell you something, I never got that money, because thirty-five (35) minutes after I hung up that phone, my beautiful wife Christina was hit by a car and killed instantly. She was standing in a crosswalk fifty (50) feet from the AMSCOT door. From that day all I wanted to do was die so that I could be with her again. There are simply not enough words in the English language to express my love for her or for the person she was. She was one of the most beautiful souls I have ever encountered. I went into a very dark place after that, I felt like everything that I did in life, I was just destined to lose, so I sit down one day and put my thoughts on paper, this is what I wrote:

“There are times when I laugh, and times when I cry. Some days it is good to be sober, some days I wish I was still high. There are days that seem endless and days that go quick, some days the mind is at ease, some days just make my head split. There is never a day that just seems to be normal. There is always a struggle to leave my heart torn. If only life were as simple as the clicking of a switch, easy to turn on or turn off when life is a bitch, often my mind wonders back to the days of youth on the run, often my mind wonders what I would do if I had a gun. Do you use what you have been taught to influence decisions that you make or just watch the curtain fall and let darkness end the play? So, when it’s so hard to laugh, so easy to cry, so hard to show a smile, so easy to say good-bye, so what would you do, if forced to walk in my shoes to realize there is no hope you have been destined to lose?

It took me a long time, but I finally got away from it all, I did find hope, I did find peace, all that was possible because I found God, I have slowly been rebuilding some of the bridges that I burnt. It has been a long journey but one well worth it. It has made me a better person, I can finally see the man that I want to be.”

Change

Why is it so hard to change?

Change is incredibly difficult for most people. Our behaviors are based on our core values, our personal nature and actions that are rewarded. Whether we are trying to increase physical activity, quit smoking, change unhealthy eating habits, or simply get to bed on time. It is human nature to resist change that isn’t immediately rewarded, even when we know that change will provide substantial benefits in the near future. We are all too familiar with the outcome of our usual daily choices which give us comfort and safety. But that’s not what we need. We must embrace change. If not, we will be left behind because the world is forever changing day by day.

Leadership Expert

John Maxwell once said that people will not change until they perceive that the advantages of changing outweigh the disadvantages of continuing with the way things are. In other words, if it’s not broke, don’t fix it.

What Triggers the Desire to Change? Motivation

Motivation comes from within. In most instances, no amount of pressure, no amount of reasoning, or no amount of feat will inspire people to take action. Change in behavior is most likely to occur when people either receive instant gratification for their actions or when their feelings are addressed.

People pursue change or start contemplating change when there is a change in core values that will make them uncomfortable with their present behavior. What inspires you to change?

Most of the behaviors we adopt are a product of our environment. The people we hang out with, the thought process we go through. The challenge is to find ways that will help people understand the problems, and find solutions that will influence emotions and not just the thought process. Once the problem behavior is understood and felt the person may then become uncomfortable with the situation and will be more inclined to address the bad behavior and adopt a more healthy behavior.

Change means growth. Growth sometimes means setbacks, but setbacks leads to lessons learned, lessons learned leads to knowledge, knowledge is power. Don’t be afraid of change.

To understand human behavior, or why people do what they do, we need to understand values. Values are defined as the core beliefs and ideals that people have. Values govern priorities.

Here it’s the bottom line gentlemen - change not only comes from within you. It comes from behind these prison walls. Because if you don’t change your life in here, you’re never gonna make it out there.

Thank you,

Ronnie Imel